


I Want to Tell You How Much I Love You

by number7even



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: AUs may come into play, Bi Diego Hargreeves, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Male Character(s), Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Gen, I repeat, Lesbian Vanya Hargreeves, M/M, No Incest, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Number Five, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Original Male Character(s) - Freeform, Substance Abuse, Trans Diego Hargreeves, Trans Male Character, Underage Substance Use, also, established relationships - Freeform, there will be angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-27 02:52:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18188825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/number7even/pseuds/number7even
Summary: SOto keep things simple, this is a collection of umbrella academy one shots. a lotta angst, some happy chapters, some rlly sad chapters. not all are in the same au!





	1. Allison and Patrick

**Author's Note:**

> this first one is dedicated to ava, the commie preacher to my socialist robber.

They’d been engaged for about a month. They’d been living together for about a year, and were officially together for three. Unofficially, they’d met five years ago while Patrick was catering the crafts table at one of her shoots and spent a good hour in the custodian closet together. 

Allison had been gone for three weeks shooting a new feature; a high-budget rom com with a “vintage” celebrity cameo to attract an older audience. She set her keys down on the hall table and put down her bags, calling for Patrick to wake up and greet her. 

She was surprised when she saw her fiancé come down their staircase already dressed and wide awake. It was about midnight, and Patrick’s routine consisted of an early bedtime and rising time. 

“How early is the bird trying to get the worm today?” she asked, walking over to her partner for an expected embrace. What she didn’t expect was Patrick freezing when she wrapped her arms around him. She pulled back and gave him a confused look. 

“It’s been three weeks, Ali,” he said, “you promised me you’d be gone for one.”

Allison shrugged and scoffed out a laugh, “Patrick, you know how movie stuff works. Sometimes one day means one month, one month means one year. I thought we talked about this?”

Patrick took a step back and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingertips. He was fighting off a migraine and the urge to shout. 

“I understand that,” he told her, “but what I don’t understand is no text, no call, no letter!” Allison flinched a bit at his raised voice and thought of staircases and tattoo needles. “Christ, Alli, you were in Florida. You couldn’t have gotten your hands on a cellphone?”

“I was method acting!” she spread her hands in front of her. “My character is a recluse; has no contact with social media or phones. She despises the institution of the postal service! It really wasn’t that long, I don’t see the big deal.”

Patrick slammed his hand on the table where the keys rested. Allison flinched. “That’s not the fucking point, Allison!” his voice raised more. Allison’s eyes widened with surprise. This was unusual. He had always been the one to suggest quiet problem solving and healthy communication. Then again, maybe Allison deserved this. 

“When we were dating I let this kind of thing slide. It annoyed me, yeah, but I get that’s it’s your work. You had no major responsibilities and i could damn well take care of myself. But,” he sighed, exasperated and tired, “I want a family, Allison.” he spoke softly. His rough and angry face fell a bit, too. Allison opened her mouth to speak, but decided to close it and let him finish. They’d talked about starting a family before. 

“And if you hadn’t been here, and I had to go away, too, and we couldn’t get in contact with you? What the hell would you expect me to do then, Allison? What if something went wrong with our child, and I called, but you were method acting and didn’t get home in time?” he stared back at her with flashing eyes and a hopeless expression. Allison didn’t know what to say. 

“I don’t want that for me,” Patrick said, “and I don’t want that for you, either. You wouldn’t deserve the,” he paused, finding the word, “heartbreak that that would bring.”

“It’s a little late to be talking about-“

“Then when are we going to talk about it!” he yelled. 

Allison couldn’t make eye contact with Patrick, too embarrassed and frustrated to meet his eye. She almost saw a monocle growing out of his head and was ready to be restricted of her identity as person, Allison, and be stripped to her identity as number, Three. Patrick knew about the Umbrella Academy, but none of the questionable parenting strategies Dad had. Luther would call it training, Klaus would call it abuse. She wouldn’t know for sure though; she hadn’t spoken to them in years. 

“Some days, I wake up and you’re gone. No note, nothing. You’re gone all day for press, and you don’t get home until,” he glanced at the wall clock, “twelve thirty in the morning.” 

She turned her head to look into his eyes, already preparing her apology. But she’s apologized too many times. Too late now. 

“I can’t be in a relationship with a ghost, Allison.” he said, “I’m leaving.”

She blinked in response, frozen. All she could get out was, “Where will you go?”

Patrick crossed to the hall closet and retrieved an already packed suitcase. He’d planned this. “I’m gonna stay with my brother for a while,” he explained, “and look for my own place.”

His own place. That was what did it for her. All of a sudden Allison kicked into gear and stood against the door, blocking Patrick an exit. “Wait,” she pleaded, “please, Patrick. Can we please talk about this? I just got home, I’m jet-lagged, I need to think-“

“Okay, then think it over tonight.” Allison felt a hopeful swoop in her stomach. “We can have dinner tomorrow, but I’m still staying over Ron’s tonight.” Patrick made a grab for the doorknob and Allison grabbed his wrist. They looked each other in the eye, already knowing. 

He stared her straight into the eye, wanting the last word. “Allison, don’t-“

“I heard a rumor that you loved me.”


	2. Number Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five finds a book amongst the wreckage that explains a lot that he never really wondered about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo fair warning, i don’t know much about gender identity and i tried my best so bear with me!!! this also isn’t edited so. have fun with my spelling mistakes!

There were no opinions in the apocalypse. No favorite food, no sense of style, no favorite place to eat. Five was lucky if he found a convenience store not in shambles, let alone have an entire restaurant establishment to himself. And Delores, of course. 

Maybe ten years into his isolation, Five found the debris of a library. Among the rubble and dust he found a book. The cover seemed amusing enough; a dimpled kid wearing a tutu. It had been a particularly boring day, and Delores had wandered off to find food, so he found a comfortable spot not touched by destruction and read the novel in one sitting. 

Five would guess that it was during the second chapter when he became fully immersed in the book. Gender was a taboo topic in the Academy. It wasn’t that the old man disapproved of his children discovering themselves, he disapproved of inconsistencies when facing the public. Which is why Dad was so relieved when Diego switched from skirts to shorts before their first tv interview. 

Of course none of the siblings ever said anything. The first day Diego walked into the dining room proudly wearing uniform shorts, most of his siblings barely acknowledged it. Except Klaus, who had on his own pleasant smile the whole meal. And when Reginald had first referred to Number Two as “him”, the others went along without question. 

Now, while reading the book, Five thought about how Diego felt when he realized he didn’t like skirts anymore. How he felt “dysphoria”, as the book puts it. Reading more about this new world of gender ambiguity left Five curious. He had to talk to Delores.

\- -

Trying to fall asleep was a Herculean task. Tossing and turning couldn’t avoid the phrases cycling in Five’s head. “Nonconforming”, “Strong dislike of one’s sexual anatomy”, “A strong desire to hide or be rid of the physical signs of your sex”. All things Five had ignored before but couldn’t help but notice now. 

Of the few toys the Umbrella Academy were offered, Five never liked to play with them. Not the princess dolls, not the dumpster trucks. He could always find ways to entertain himself; practicing his power, turning paper clips into magnets, even reading Ben’s books was more fun to him than any of the classic Boy Things. 

He’d never thought about it before, but Five would always make sure he was the last to shower. Father Dearest gave the children a communal bathroom, two for each assigned gender. Five had then thought it was to avoid any extra social interaction with his siblings. That was certainly part of it; he could hardly stand Klaus’ zany comments and Diego’s snide jabs during the day, he deserved a bit of alone time to shower. 

Now, though, confronted with the issue head-on, Five took a good look at himself. Physically and mentally. 

It was grotesque. What good did all this do him? He couldn’t use this to survive, he didn’t see the use for this at all. Thinking back, he had been overly self-conscious of his body all throughout childhood. Trying to remain as lanky as possible and not bulk up like Luther, despising all the tight shirts and pants Diego wore. He wasn’t even interested in Klaus’ skirts and makeup. Five preferred his uniform. Loose shorts, blazer that properly fit, knee-high socks to make his legs appear thinner. That was always ideal. No shape, just comfortable. 

He felt self-conscious. Self-hatred towards his own body. Dysphoria. 

He really wished he could talk to Diego right now. 

Apparently his crying had awoken Delores. “I’m not a baby, I’m just upset.” Five replied to her snarky remark. 

“I just, don’t feel comfortable. With myself. I guess I never have.”

Delores then suggested something impossible. 

“What!? No, I’m not a girl. I like shorts.”

She paused after that. Then a quiet question. 

“Shorts are for boys, skirts are for girls. The old man certainly engraved that into our minds with his wardrobe choices for us. Bastard wouldn’t even let us borrow each other’s shoes.”

She laughed at that. But became serious. The space between Five’s eyebrows creased and he thought for a moment. 

“You read it, too?”

Confirmation. A reminder of what it said. 

“I know about that. I, I guess I didn’t think about that.”

A small question. But it signified a change. 

“Genderqueer. Nonbinary. I don’t really know which one. I-I think I’m just- just something else.”

Comfort and supporting words. 

“Labels are for the real world. The apocalypse doesn’t care how you identify. I’m just gonna leave it at that.”

Delores nodded then made to go back to sleep. She made one last remark. 

“For the last time, the equations aren’t off!”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! Title taken from Sea Of Love from the Juno soundtrack (i’m a hardcore ellen stan). Dunno when I’ll update next lmaooo bye


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